ep38 | the artisan podcast | dr. lola gershfeld | creating connected cultures and building emotional connections at work

Dr Lola Gershfeld is the founder of EmC Leaders, a training and consulting company focused on working with managers to master the art of relationships. She's also the author of The Emotional Connection, The EmC Strategy, as well as The Connected Culture, How the Art of Relationships Leads to Positive Results.

Check out Dr. Lola's Youtube,  Blog as well as Podcast for additional info

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Lola:

I started in the business world very young. My husband and I built three electronic manufacturing companies and so I always took the role of a leader.

I served as an HR manager, and a CFO, and then,  because I was building teams and I was, really feeling confident about myself.  Then I was asked to serve on this private company board, and, I couldn't believe what I was actually experiencing.

And, I remember, I think the moment for me was like sitting and watching these board members attacking each other.  And, you know, the CEO was sitting next to me and I turned to him and I said, why do they do this at every board meeting?

And, he said, quietly, I think it's because they care about each other. And, and I thought to myself, what? That, that doesn't make sense. That's so silly to express care about each other like that.  But, what I really found is that they got really stuck in this pattern, the dance that they would do every board meeting.

And it was really awful because, one person would shut down, the other person would attack, and then we would just go circles and circles. We would have eight-hour board meetings with no progress and imagine how exhausting that is. The funny thing is all of these people who were on the board were very smart and very intelligent and had scientific degrees and they could solve technical problems.

And that was really fascinating for me how is it possible they could solve such difficult problems, but they could not talk to each other.   So, as you can imagine, I started to really look for a solution because I didn't enjoy this experience.  And, I went to the bookstore, I got these books, you know, Good to Great, Primal Leadership, Speed of Trust, all of these books were on my desk.  I was diving into them and studying them, trying to figure it out. And every time I would come to the board meeting, I would teach maybe communication skills or set some rules or boundaries, but nothing actually worked. And so I decided to go back to school and find the answer because it was really fascinating to me.

And I not only saw these disruptions in the boardroom, but I saw it as an HR manager, you know, people would come to me and sit in the office and I would empathize and I would try to understand them. And guess what? A few weeks later, the same pattern comes back again.

So I really wanted to understand what was happening and how is it possible. So I went back to school. I got my master's, my doctorate, but the aha moment came when my husband invited me to this workshop, couple's workshop called Hold Me Tight. It was created by Dr. Sue Johnson, and she's the developer of the emotionally focused therapy.

Okay. I'm, I'm sitting there in this couple's workshop and I'm watching this instructor talk about attachment signs and about patterns, how these couples get into and get lost in this pattern and takes over their relationship and they just become stuck in this conflict over and over again.

And I'm thinking to myself, wait a second, we have exactly the same pattern in the boardroom. Workplace conflicts are all about attachment. Workplace relationships are all about emotional disconnection.  And I cannot tell you, Katty, I, I was on fire at that time. I flew to New York. I took, you know, the externship with Susan Johnson.

And from then on, I was just immersing myself in all of the science, all of the knowledge about attachment. And I was actually bringing it to the boardroom to work with boards and teams. And miraculously, things started to change. The transformation was happening right in front of my eyes.

And so I decided to create tools because as I was doing the techniques, people didn't even have the language, didn't know how to express themselves. So I created tools, I created the training and then I created the certification program, which I taught at Chapman and I taught at Pepperdine University.

I see that every time people use the EMC process, which is emotional connection, stands for emotional connection, I see people are happy at work, they have the tools, how to get back to connection. They're a lot more engaged and I feel like there's hope.

I want people to know there's hope because I felt very helpless and hopeless in those moments. So I want people to know that there is a roadmap. There's a way to get out of conflict and you don't have to be stuck.

Katty:  It's amazing because you could have easily walked away from that board. And not just made it easy on yourself, but then instead you actually leaned into that and decided, okay, there's a solution here. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to find it. And not only did you find it, but you built it from there. So pretty amazing because workplace conflict, it is such an opportunity for everyone to be able to find the tools and the language to be able to work through that, you know.

We work with creatives all the time and sometimes just the disagreement on what the font should be or what the color should be. Because we're each bringing our own idea of art, of creativity to the table, just that simple thing, can blow teams apart.  To be able to have that opportunity to turn away from it and not personalize it so much is so, so important.

You talked about emotional connection. Let's talk about that because, on your board, you had people who are very high on the IQ side of it, but maybe it's not so much on the EQ side of it from what you said. So what does emotional connection mean? How can we create that at work in our business?

Lola: Well,  I think the first thing is obviously to recognize that when we work together, we impact each other. I mean, you just mentioned, “ it would be nice when people don't take it personally”.  It cannot be! People do take it personally because relationships are personal. And especially when we depend on each other and my survival depends on you as a manager to continue to help me to grow and develop and, and be in this world as me.  But if I don't have a connection with you, I am now a threat, right?

My brain, my, my, my amygdala, the mammalian brain that we have is going to be constantly vigilant for threats because the connection, the emotional connection that I have with you is part of my survival code.  It is wired in survival.

So when I don't feel connected, that's, that's so incredibly important for people to get that when we work together, all of our senses become very, very attuned to each other, to the facial expression, to the words we say, to the tone of voice. Everything is so magnified. When I have a secure connection with people, with my manager, my colleagues, and my coworkers, I feel safe. I feel safe to express my ideas. I can go out in the world and take risks. I can be open to share my mistakes. That security of our relationship gives me that safety that you're not going to abandon me. You're not going to reject me if I screw up and make a mistake. I won't be alone in that experience.

You know, one of the biggest fears we have is isolation, is being alone. So our emotional brain is very attuned to that cue, to that emotional signal that we send to each other.  And when we don't have an opportunity to clarify that message, that's when we get stuck.  For example, you might be coming to work and stressed from something that happened at home.  And then, you might be walking to your desk without saying hello to everybody, or to your coworker. And then they interpret that, “Oh my gosh, Katty is upset at me. Something is wrong with me or something is wrong. She's mad. Maybe it's the thing I sent her yesterday”.  Right? So the emotional music of fear .... I see Katty is upset and that starts to perpetuate that negative thought, which starts to perpetuate the protection, which starts “When I come to the meeting, I'm going to be on guard”.  And then you are gonna say why are you not engaged?  Why are you not saying anything?

Well, oh my gosh,  because we don't know how to talk about these conversations.  When we do have, that's why I think the process is so effective because it gives you a structure.  It gives you a process. It gives you a language where you can say, Hey, Katty, I got scared. You know, I'm not attacking you, but I can, I just want to clarify because I got scared.  You didn't say hello, and I was wondering, you know, is everything okay now? You don't say, Oh, you know, why are you making such a big deal? You don't respond that way.

You know, they're saying, Oh, thank you for sharing that. That must be difficult for you. Of course. No, I appreciate you sharing your, your experience is valid, right?

So. The first thing is when we understand how we impact each other and that it's okay for us to share that vulnerability from the impact point of view. And we know how to respond to that in emotional connection, creating safety. When we are continually creating a bond, we are creating that safe space.

Saying like, “I'm still here for you.  You are important to me. I care about you”.  That continuous feedback loop gives me the confidence to come back to you again and gives me the safety next time Katty may come in and not into herself. I'm already going to have that experience saying, no, no, it's okay. Katty is just maybe having a bad day. It's not because I did something.

 That is how people become more secure in their relationships. So the emotional connection process is really based on that attachment theory of John Bowlby, Carl Rogers, Salvador Minuchin that really looks at the relationship and says …For us to thrive, for us to feel calm, we have to have a secure relationship. We have to have a way to create a conversation where we can gain our emotional balance back. And the fastest way to gain that emotional balance is to reach for each other.

I used to go around the block all the time when I was stressed, you know, as an HR manager, like, Oh my gosh, you know, you cry, you go out, you walk around and then you calm down, but you never have that conversation to repair the connection.  So you just kind of like shove your emotions down.  And then what happens? You think that it's okay, but guess what? It accumulates and it becomes your raw spots.  And the next time somebody says something, you blow up like a blast. Exactly. You say to yourself, what happened to me?  Yeah. Why, why am I like that?

So these bonding conversations that we teach people in the process, they actually not only just heal the connection, they heal relationships where people can actually get rebalanced and heal themselves from being outside in the world and being in danger of being criticized.

Katty:

I think we sometimes forget in the workplace, at home, with friends, we all bring our histories to the table. So a particular outburst or a particular reaction has so much more depth underneath it than that first interaction or altercation. So I think you're right. We automatically go into protect mode and we automatically go into just the stories that we start telling ourselves about why that outburst happened. 

And then I get a sense that it's very easy for resentment to start building if we don't have that conversation right from the beginning. You talked about impact, that every relationship has an impact. And I know that you talk about impact and feedback and the correlation between the two of them.

I wanted to get into that with you because obviously in the creative space when whenever our talent does a pitch or presents an idea, art can be very subjective. How would you suggest giving feedback, getting feedback, and just kind of what to do with that feedback,  so that its impact is a positive impact, even if the client doesn't like the direction, that it's not taken personally. It's just really about the piece of art versus, you!

Lola: That's a really good question because that there's an art in itself, right? You have to kind of like maneuver those conversations and Katty, I have to again, go back to the relationships. When you are paying attention to the connection and constantly, address the attachment significance of that relationship, it will be much easier for people to process the feedback.

So, in attachment terms, we know that the brain asks this key question in attachment relationships. And the question is, are you there for me,  A R E, are you there for me? So, the acronym A R E is actually expressed with, are you accessible to me emotionally?  R, are you responsive to me? E, are you engaged with me?

Basically, what this means is, can I reach you? Will you be there when I need you? Will you give me your attention? So, and it comes in through in vulnerable moments.

So that ARE question, when it is answered with a resounding yes, you have a secure relationship.  When the answer is a no or a maybe you have an insecure relationship.

So if you answer the question, no or maybe in your relationship with a client or with a your coworker, with your employee,  and if it's no, and maybe you have to know that there is insecurity in the relationship. Number one, you have to know that. So you have to learn how to balance yourself, which means you have to learn about your triggers and your raw spots and emotions.

So when you go through the process, you learn all of these tools and all of becoming more self-aware, what is happening for you? So you come into that conversation more balanced. And when you share the feedback or impact, I like to say share impact, don't share feedback. What does it mean to you? How does this work impact you? 

Because that comes from a vulnerable place, that comes from a place where they didn't do anything wrong, right? It removes the judgment, it removes the disappointment, it removes the shame effect. It gives them the impact, saying, look, this is how it impacts me.  It's nothing that you did anything wrong because you have to constantly reassure them that there is a connection, that you care about them, that they're important to you, and that their feelings are valid.

I'll give you an example. My daughter called me yesterday, and she's 40. Okay, she's 40 years old. She calls me, and she says, Mom!  I was sharing with you the day before something that I did, and you said something. You said, Oh, you need to be consistent in this.  And when you said you need to be consistent in this, that really hurt me.

And what I did is I grabbed my form, you know, the EMC reconnection form, and I'm, because my emotions start to escalate. So I'm losing my balance. I'm grabbing my form so I can just follow it and be in emotionally responsive to her.  I want to be able to sit with her space and hold her space. And the form helps me to do that.

So I'm saying, okay, so the raw spot that hit for you in that moment is like you being judged. Yes, mom, that's it. Now she knows the process, she knows the language, so it's easier. And so it made you feel like you were hurt. Yes, I was very hurt and I felt defeated, she said, and I felt very surprised and ashamed when you said. Oh, and what is that image?  Oh, it felt like you were stabbing me in my heart.  All right. And look at the impact it's having on her, right?

And like, wow, my gosh. And where do you feel it in your body? Is it in your heart? No, it's in my stomach. Oh, stomach. Wow. That tells me that there's a shame piece happening because we know the bodily sensation and the emotion behind that.  And then what's the worst fear for you? Oh, I will never be good enough.  No matter what I do, I'll be never good enough.  Oh my gosh. And what's the fear about me as your mom, or you will never be proud of me?  Wow, that makes sense. Wow. You're so strong and courageous.

Now I'm going through the form and I'm telling you the answer and the questions are there.  And so what do you do? What are your thoughts? Oh, I'm thinking I'm going to have to prove to her that I am good enough. I'm not going to eat. I'm not going to sleep. I'm just going to work and work and work to show her.  Oh, that makes sense. Wow. That, that, that's so hard. Your feelings are valid. And what do you need?

I need to know mom that I am good enough just the way I am.  You are good enough. You're good enough just the way you are.

it took us about 15 minutes to have this conversation and it healed her, it connected back, it gave that reassurance that I love her. I care about her. She was enough courageous. She felt safe enough to share those vulnerabilities with me. And now we move on. 

Katty: So how do you do that at work where maybe in someone's mind there is an imbalance?  Because somebody is somebody's boss or a client is paying your invoices. And it's not necessarily a friendship, or a, you know, or a personal relationship, but you're trying to stay in a professional relationship. But you're still trying to minimize that imbalance. How would you go about that?  Because I could see in scenarios where maybe a marketing campaign was rejected by a client.  And the talent would take it personally. How would they even be able to come back to someone who's their client or their boss and be able to mend those fences or at least take away the personal hurt from it.

Lola: Well, we, we have to process the emotions in order for you to heal that hurt. In order for people to speak that language of emotional connection. They have to know what are the steps. It's like dancing right in dancing tango. For example, I love Argentine tango.

And so when I started to learn, you just learned the steps first. So, you learn the steps, but then you learn the music. For example, with my coworkers, every time I bring a new coworker, I give them training.

You know, we're going to learn this, but this is a process where we share emotions. So when you have a client that is, for example, rejected your work and you feel out of balance in that way, you come to each other. You come to each other and say, hey, this was so hard for me. This was really rejecting and here's my raw spot that hit for me.

And here's some emotions that, that was, was I felt, and here's my body sensation, here's my image, and here's my fear, and this is what I start to think, and this is what I start to do when I have those emotions. And this is what I need.

Now, when we come together, imagine team members and managers and can come together to each other, how it changes their relationship, how much stronger they become as a team.  And it's slowly, slowly, they feel much more comfortable. They can trust each other more.

 I cannot tell you the number of companies that have called me and said, we are so happy we learned this process before COVID.  During COVID we were able to still stay away from each other, but be emotionally connected because we have the tools.

We could speak a language of emotions, we can identify emotions.  Emotions are the most important thing in conflict or in any disconnection.  Lisa Feldman Barrett, she said that the more granular you can make emotion, the less overwhelmed you are.  So as you organize, this is what the process is. You organize your experience, and emotional experience gives you that structure.

 So the more there's surface emotion and softer emotions and primary emotions and the image and fears and body senses, all of that gives you relaxation. All of that gives you a sense of I'm not alone in that experience.  And when I'm not alone in that experience, my prefrontal cortex opens up because my amygdala relaxes.

Now I can see options. I can see that the client didn't reject me. So all of that cognition starts to be more accessible to us when our emotional brain is at rest.  But we cannot, we cannot tell ourselves, Oh, don't worry about it. Just relax.

No, because you have to address the emotions and you have to talk about it. And you have to know that the other person is not going to turn away from you when you open up and say, I was so hurt.  I was so hurt.

It's okay. It's okay that you're hurt. Thank you for sharing that you're hurt. You're so strong and courageous. We're here with you. You're not alone in this.  These are powerful, powerful words. I can't wait to hear that.

Katty: Well, it's really creating the space where people can step into it and have a, and feel confident and safe enough to have that conversation. 

Lola: Oh my gosh. And Katty, people blossom.  They blossom once they know that they're not alone. They, they, they have all this motivation. You know, companies create benefits and perks to motivate people, but I think they're missing the mark. You don't need to spend thousands and millions of dollars to give free lunches and free, you know, whatever cleaner service and massage service fitness, no, you have to be emotionally connected, you know.  Teach that, learn that and you're going to be great.  Your people are going to be flying and thriving in the workplace. 

Katty: Yeah. It's very interesting. I think to go back and take a look at where every member of the team falls on that emotional intelligence or emotional connection spectrum, some are probably easier to lean into it and for some, it's really something that has to be taught and practiced over and over and over again, because it doesn't naturally, or, or maybe just previous hurts is going to put up a protection for them.  But to be, to be able to really pull that team together to kind of use your own words, bringing, you know, pulling the team together versus pulling them apart. Some of these tools to be able to utilize that is, is powerful.

You take us through, some specific language in terms of what it is, and how we approach a conversation. You've shared some of that already. What if it doesn't land, at what point is our responsibility? Let's say I come to you and I share with you a hurt or that something happened.  And if there's no responsiveness on your part, what is then my responsibility there?  Where do I go back to you or what do I do at that point?  I stepped forth to resolve the conflict and to make sure that the relationship could be repaired. But if it's not reciprocal, what do we do? 

Lola: It's hard, right? It's, it's very hard. The thing is we still have to work with that person. So, it's very important for us to first of all, maybe find somebody else who can process emotions with you and can be there for you. So you can come back to the person.

You definitely need to come back, and you need to come back in a safe way. I mean, obviously, when the person doesn't respond to you, not because they don't want to connect with you, because they feel overwhelmed. So, it's hard for us to empathize with that, when we are out of balance.  So that's why I say that if the person is not available, you do the process with somebody else, get your balance, get you feeling heard. And so you don't feel alone.

So you can come back and say, look, our relationship is important to us. This is what we call bonding conversations, right? You create additional safety, you know, in your mind, you know, cognitively that when people work together, they want to be connected because of the dependency. Because our brain turns on these bonding needs and we want to be, we long for that connection. So we start to give space to the other person and say, I know it's uncomfortable for you, but you are important to me. You're important to this team. You're important to our success.

Now, my tone of voice is calm.  Right? My facial expression is calm. That's because I'm not activated. When I'm triggered and I'm activated, my facial expression is, expression is stressed. My tone of voice is like pointy and it's very difficult for the other person to hear that congruency that I really care about you.

I'm attacking you and you really care about me? No way. So we need to first of all, I recognize that we get into these patterns, what we call a negative cycle. And that's one of the very important things, people learn in the process is to recognize when is that cycle starts. 

Like for example, the most common cycle is what we call pursue, withdraw, you know, when, when one person, for example, starts losing that connection and doesn't know how to talk about it.  So what they do, is they start to come across as critical.  So they push for connection, right? But it's actually that protesting the disconnection.

So what we do is “Why are you not talking to me? Why are you not responding to me? It's like, right, what's going on? What, what's happening?” And so the other person then tries to defend themselves and then they shut down.

So you have a pursuer who's pursuing and then you have a shutdown person who is withdrawing and avoiding, and so that's the cycle. So when you start to recognize that you can come back and say, look, we got stuck in the cycle.  You know, it's not your fault, it's not my fault, it's the cycle's fault.  And then you start to create safety for that conversation. Look, I want to know what happened to you. I can tell you what happened to me.  And then we can be there for each other.

That's the fastest way is when we reach for each other and we can get out of that negative cycle.  So that's A R E, are you there for me? is we are practicing how to be accessible, responsive and engaged emotionally. All emotional variables.

Katty: Being emotionally connected versus being defensive.  So, so how do you go about if in a situation where you may have a large team,  and there are some people on the team that you connect with right away and you're friends and you go after work and you go for drinks and you go for dinner, and then there are other people on the team that you just don't have that friendship, you're coworkers, you're not friends. And there are some relationships that, that cross from just being coworkers to actually having friendships develop as well. How do you navigate then not letting, not, isolating someone because you're not inviting them to your after work gatherings? Where's the fine line of being co-workers and then suddenly becoming friends? 

Lola: Yes. Katty, that's a very tough question. Make that as a habit for your team to talk about emotions. To talk about the raw spots because when you have that opportunity on a regular basis, you know, let's talk about the triggers.  Who got triggered last week and what are the triggers? What are some of the raw spots? What are the emotions? You start to actually learn about people.  You start to open up like people have never heard of you.

I remember doing this, session, with the CFO and a manager and the manager got very stressed because the CFO would attack her in meetings and shows the manager stopped talking to her completely.  And so the more she stopped talking to her, the more the CFO got anxious and upset. So she became really, really like very aggressive towards her. So the manager went around, went to the HR department, and filed the complaint.

Well, the CFO was so, she was so devastated. She couldn't sleep at night, she was just terrified that she was going to lose a job and she was going to have this on her record.  Well, the company called me and I did the reconnection session for them.  And during the session, the manager did not want to share her emotions first in front of the CFO.

She was like protection and I said, I get it. It makes sense of course you would not be able to share. It's not safe for you. Can you just say that? 

“I'm scared to share. I don't feel safe to share my emotions”.  This is a first step to just acknowledge what is happening with you right now. “I can't trust you”. Right? That's, that's a good place to start.

When the CFO shared what happened to her when the manager filed a complaint, how she couldn't sleep, how she couldn't eat, she could, she was devastated.  The manager opened up. The manager said, I had no idea it had an impact like that. You were so aggressive towards me, I thought you like you have no human emotion. 

So as you have these practices of conversations where people have this language and when they share, they need to know, they need to respond. And I, we teach that how to respond, you know, to keep saying, thank you for sharing. You're so courageous and strong because in the workplace, it's not customary to share vulnerability and emotions.

We say, you know, be vulnerable, be vulnerable.  No, if I'm going to share my vulnerability, people are going to look at me and just walk away. No, we have to learn how to say thank you for sharing. That must be so difficult for you.  You're so courageous and strong.  And then when they share, they feel accepted.  They feel connected. They learn about each other. They start to feel like, wow, my manager has actual emotions. I had no idea.

You become human, right? Yeah, we become human. And now we have a whole new way of looking at each other. I mean, I can literally show you in the process. of where each person starts to see each other differently and where the cycle starts and how it ends.

When I do sessions, like I'm, I have a hundred percent confidence in me that I know exactly how to get people back to connection because I use an attachment framework roadmap. It never let me down ever.  So I feel like managers need to learn this, this structure, that attachment significance, because then it will only make them a lot more effective..   

But we have to catch those moments. We have to pay attention to those moments. And we have to feel confident. We know what we're doing in those moments. 

Katty: Those are powerful words. You're so strong. You're so courageous. Yeah.  So how do we catch ourselves when we're being triggered?

Lola: Oh, it's so hard, Katty, because the emotion is so fast,  boom, boom, boom, and you are in the cycle.

Katty: Yeah. I was saying something you mentioned was like our, with our teams. They can see our expressions. They know, like, our, you know, our face maybe says a thousand words.  How do we, as managers, how are we, how do we become, without having gone through the training, how can we become more cognizant of what our body language is portraying? Maybe I'm using the right words, but you know, my face is just negative, you know, giving,  giving feedback with this. How, how do we catch ourselves, from those triggers?

Obviously, like without, without going through the training, for the person listening here and they're like, gosh, these words really are impacting me. I need to be mindful of when I fly off the handle,  how do I calm myself down? Because you said you go, you used to go around the block as an HR manager, where you went for a walk and you'd come back.

Lola: Yeah, but that was not effective. It was, it only worked for a day, Katty.  No, what's effective is to learn how to have these conversations.  In order for people to understand how they impact each other, they have to hear it from other people.

They have to have these bonding conversations to know that this is what happens. This is what, what you do that impacts me, and this is what I do that impacts you. That's, we all do that, but we get stuck in that the more we don't know how to talk about our emotions, how to reach for each other, how to talk about our fears and needs. We have, that's a responsibility, I feel this is a biggest responsibility for us is to learn about our emotional experience.  To learn how to recognize and articulate that fear and how to  know what is it that we need.  We have to learn how to ask for that need.

And sometimes people will not be there to give us that need. And it's okay. I mean, I remember having a conversation with my husband, you know, and I said, I need to know that it's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong and he would say,  I cannot tell you that, but I can tell you I love you.  I said, no, I need to know that it's not my fault. And he said, I can't tell you, but it took him time, right? And now he can say, it's not your fault. He recognizes it's the cycle's fault. We both got off. Okay? It's the cycle's fault. It's the cycle's fault. It's the cycle's fault.

Katty: I think a great place for people to start is to pick up a copy of your book.  Because I think in here,  you have some really good tips about not saying it this way. Instead, reframing it and rephrasing it and saying it that way. And just giving some tools to people. Where else can people go to find you, Lola? And just learn a little bit more about ARE and conflict and the tools that you bring to the table.

Lola: Yeah, they can go to emcleaders. com And we have a master class that actually live sessions the master class live sessions.  So that's a that's a great way tolearn we have online courses. We have a book We have a youtube. I have a youtube channel on emc leaders podcast, obviously.

It takes time for people to understand this process, to learn this process, but once you have the tools, it's like you have a new world in front of you. It's like,  Have you done zipline, Katty? Mm, yeah. You know, on a zipline, when somebody straps you in, you feel secure and you can go through the chasm and say, like, whoo,  you know, you can see the world, you can pay attention, right, to the whole beautiful thing.

Well, that's the same thing with secure relationships. When, when our buckle is not secure, we are very scared. We can't grow, and that's what I see, especially with When people become more connected with each other, when they have this opportunity, you don't have to do these bonding conversations all the time.

Once you kind of heal your raw spots that happened in that relationship, you start to become more and more secure in that relationship.

We are in relationships. We grow in relationships. If we take one person out of that relationship and say, well, this person is behaving themselves badly. Well, of course, they are, you just took them out of the relationship. You have to always look at the relationship. Relationships are key for us.

And if there's anything wrong, performance, motivation, productivity,  you know, whatever, absenteeism, turnover…Relationship, always start with a relationship because that is the key.  So I welcome people to reach out and to explore. We have tons of resources and we're here for you to learn and discover yourself and others.

Katty: Beautiful. It's really like learning a new language. Yes. Once you've learned it, then you can actually communicate it.   

Lola: Yes, exactly Katty. And then your life becomes fulfilled because connection is what we want.

Links: EMC Leaders,  The Emotional Connection,  The Connected Culture, 

Check out Dr. Lola's Youtube,  Blog as well as Podcast for additional info

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